


Our Choice

by Little Grey Gargoyle (silasfinch)



Series: Our Choices [1]
Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Injury Recovery, Julia Montague Lives, Rehabilitation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 06:38:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16470620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/Little%20Grey%20Gargoyle
Summary: AU: David Budd is an expert at the recovery process and is more than willing to assist Julia Montague as she heals. Their relationship undergoes an evolution at the same time."You don't see me any differently because you've literally measured my urine output?"David is busily sucking on her collarbone but looks up to regard her seriously."My body barely holds together, and my skin looks like a roadmap through hell. Your scars only make you more beautiful to me, and I'm bloody proud of your kidney function, so no disparaging remarks please."





	Our Choice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [doomedship](https://archiveofourown.org/users/doomedship/gifts).



> I am obsessed with show and ship. '  
> I have dyslexia - please be gentle with comments about spelling and grammar.

  
Julia Montague's resurrection from the dead shouldn't be a surprise to her former PPO.

"Lavander is alive."

Former Sergent David Budd still feels like he took an expert hit to the solar plexus. It is only through sheer force of will that prevents an unforgivable panic attack in Craddock's office.

Contrary to popular belief and the opinion of his superiors David Budd is acutely aware he is psychological midfield in need for time with department counselling services. Where he differs from Andy and the other activists who lose their grip on reality is that he can cope if he is given a purpose and a task. It keeps the PTSD from overwhelming him far more than any drugs or sessions with the shrink. Hunting down Julia's killer and the players in the conspiracy keep him from reloading the gun. However, the singular focus comes at a high price in marriage, family, sleep, dignity but also in peripheral vision.

The signs were all there, but he misses them.

He would be furious with Julia if he believed she held any control over the decision in the first place let alone excluding him.

"Lavander is Alive"

His former colleagues go into detail then explaining how and why such a drastic step was taken. Its standard operating procedure with fake names different hospitals and midnight evacuations on a plane with a false manifest at Heathrow, once he may have even orchestrated such an operation himself. The threat of October 1st repeating and the focus on tracking the bombers helps with the slight of hand tricks. Julia Montague is the ultimate reminder of the danger faced, the precise details of her funeral is secondary to media and public at large.

"Can I see her?"

David realises his voice is hoarse from disuse, his Glaswegian accent thick as he stares fixedly at the wall in an office he has grown to despise. It seems pointless, but he finally remembers not to use her first name.

This plea is strictly against protocol, but these circumstances might be exceptional enough to overlook his renegade status and the security headache. They wouldn't have brought him in without expecting such a request, and he is beyond caring about future career prospects with this department or any other in Her Majesty's Service.

"She is asking to see you."

 

As with allot of things in Julia's life her will settles the matter. 

 

**1\. Reunion**

Julia escaped death but little else.

It is only his experience with combat injuries that enables David not to dry heave at the sight of the woman in the large hospital bed somewhere in southern France (Julia speaks the language fluently, so it is easier to maintain the cover identity). The former soldier automatically catalogues the injuries that hadn't seemed real in the medical file. Pelvis shattered in multiple places, a punched lung. Four broken ribs, spinal bruising and a severe head injury. The wound pattern isn't too different from people sent to defuse IEDs. The net effect is Julia looking gaunt and weak in an oversized bed, her beautiful skin with more angry scars than he sees in the mirror each morning. She wouldn't have been conscious when Anne Sampson and the team decided to kill her.

"You came" the incubation tube has damaged and inflamed her vocal cords, but the voice is unmistakably hers.

"You are alive" he replies taking a tentative step into the room.

"Barely - I feel like a journeyman boxer in the final stages of his career."

"An apt description. Gods I missed you so much." He virtually collapses into the chair beside her his eyes searching for an unmarked place to touch.

"This isn't your fault David. Nobody could have stopped that bomb or the attempt after it. I was always warmonger living on borrowed time. I'm glad you didn't throw yourself across me like a scene from that movie." Julia commands attention even with her broken voice.

"I would have if I'd been fast enough..." he admits

"Of course you would have like many of your mythical namesakes, heroes all."

There is so much to say and yet no acceptable starting point. One part of David wants to pepper her with questions about the bombmaker and accomplices, and the other wants to hold her and sing offkey Scotish lullabies. Neither impulse will serve him, so he updates her on what she has missed in her long convalescence.

 

**2\. Acceptance**

They hash out their differences long before either of them is ready for the fallout.

David Budd is allowed to visit the hospital on a daily basis. Julia quietly insists on it, even though their relationship (such as it is) is in tatters. Whoever is funding the recuperation also springs for a featureless safehouse two blocks over. However, there conditions on his visit, mainly that he stays quiet and doesn't interfere with the endless amounts of tests and scans. It is easy enough for him to fall into old habits of obeying a command structure, even if he makes a habit of rebelling lately.

They are both volatile people with tempers even if they are well controlled most of the time. It doesn't take much to trigger passion and debate. A heatwave in the town and limited aircon is enough to tip the scales.

"Why didn't you tell me! I could have stopped things."

"We were bouncing between amazing sex and national security crisis. I wasn't going to reveal state secrets to somebody who is an anti-war veteran with a wife and kids, like it or not you weren't in my inner circle then."

"Julia...."

"You are an amazing man David, but you can't save the world or me by willpower alone, stop tormenting yourself by thinking you can." Julia pleads.

"More importantly stop tormenting my patient when she needs rest above all else" Dr Lee chides angry as he leads his assistants into the room.

Even the magnificent iron-willed Julia Montague is a little afraid of her fearsome orthopaedic surgeon who is a gentleman except when it comes to patient recuperation, his sabbatical treating one of the most powerful women in Britain is no exception.

"This is not the time for a lover's quarrel; I will kick you out, Mr Budd." he means every word.

"No please don't - it's my fault for picking a fight." Julia sounds terrified at the prospect of separation.

 

**3\. Weakness**

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can, you are doing brilliantly, love."

"How exactly do you measure my achievement, David, reading the paper without falling asleep making it the two feet the bathroom on my own? Julia snaps as the shuffle down the corner for what feels like the thousandth time.

"I measure you be your muscles that are getting stronger and a mind that could take down the Labour whip any day. You are doing everything right, Julia. You aren't used to operating at less than 100%."

"You didn't sign up for anything of this; I would understand if you want to work things out with Vicky and the kids." she offers more than once.

"You might understand, but I doubt her new bloke Oliver will. He and his boys might move in one day- wouldn't want to get all Jeremy Kyle in living arrangements now. We are working things out just not as a couple. Our relationship was doomed long ago." he dismisses with a half smile.

"What will your family think if you bring home a rich tory?"

"They will care that you make me happy and it'll liven up the debates at Christmas." he lies with a straight face.

It's not that simple of course. Usually, the couple tries to avoid talk of the future with everything being so uncertain. Julia isn't even sure she will return to London. However, the casual mentions like this slip in now and then. Julia wants more than everything to be part of the next Budd family event come what may.

 

 

**4\. Trying**

Julia and David are trying to function and communicate like regular, well-adjusted adults.

This change does not come naturally to either of them. There was always higher priorities than mundane things like eating properly and maintaining a regular sleep cycle. For different reasons, self-care is mandatory for both of them. For Julia, it is a matter of getting well and leaving the hospital for David he needs to be recover and start being a better father and co-parent with Vicky. Strangely enough, the unlikely pair becomes each other's most reliable allies in the process.

They eat regular balanced meals together - the French are surprisingly generous with their hospital food. There is a takeaway down the street that does amazing salads and rolls. The bread is baked fresh every day.

The nurses finally relent and bring a cot into Julia's private room. Most nights they fall asleep together debating sports on TV. The night staff glower at them if they try and disobey curfew and eventually both are asleep by 10.

They ring their families at the same time every day to check-in and to maintain the bonds, no longer taken family for granted or as second nature. Julia's mother is in on the ruse and is in a safe house too, just as a precaution.

At night they take turns in sharing their hopes, dreams and worst mistakes. Even though their live paths couldn't be more different, there is a certain symmetry to the devotion to duty and ambition. Julia floats the idea of other possible career options, and David promises to meet her mother officially.

 

  
**5\. Strength**

Julia confounds the doctor's expectations.

Once she fully commits to the rehab process, she takes to the challenge like she is back in law school competing for grades. She simultaneously works to rebuild her atrophied muscles and the insult to her brain. The team have apparently dealt with overachievers before and severely resist their patients access to the internet and reading materials. Overtaxing the recovering brain is a genuine concern.

When other people might request chocolate, David finds himself sneaking in copies of the Guardian and the political magazines. His liberal soul shudders at some of Tory drivel she demands. If he wasn't sure, he cared for this woman these purchases were proof.

Julia is acing the memory tests and cognition exercises. David is happy to hold the flashcards and jokes about replacing them with profiles of current members of parliament. There are expected gaps in memory, but the core functions are returning.

The last of her minor surgeries go well, and she should regain function in all her limbs, but there will always be a limp and a slight tremor in her left hand.

The relationship between them heals at a similar rate as they explore the connection that only existed in the shadows. David is continuously inspired by the passionately driven woman who is so much more than a Conservative Lion and a Maggie 2.0 in waiting.

 

 

  
**6\. Pain**

There is no such thing as a complete recovery.

Julia is a living catalogue of nerve damage and inflammation. In some ways gets worse as she tries to do more, the drugs can only combat so much, especially when she is working to wean herself off the heavy duty ones. For a woman who was legendary for her stamina, the process is humbling. A day when she can read a page of a Marion Keyes novel is a victory, and she becomes strangely invested in the horse show Ella is obsessed with, they form a tentative bond over horses. The advantage of a privileged education is that she can reminisce about poney clubs and promise to take Ella to the next show in town.

Sometimes there are days she can barely move for the pain in her head and the waves of nerve pain.

The house needs to be silent, and she invests in some heavy duty blackout curtains to stop even the hint of light. David rearranges his custody arrangement so that he can sit silently with her and talk her through the worst episodes.

Nothing seems to phase him no matter how vile she gets in her efforts to lash out or how personal the insults. The groceries get put away, the bills get paid, and the emails get answered. In coordination with her loyal staff work gets done no matter how long she is out for, the delegation is hard to take, but there is no other option.

"I'm sorry."

David calmly spoons her more broth a homemade one that is her favourite.

"Tomorrow will be a better day, Julia."

She believes him too.

 

**7\. Absolution**

Julia longs for sex with David almost as much as she craves independence.

Its a selfish thing to pine for when her former bodyguard has been a bedrock of support and tenderness, but it doesn't stop the desire. A returning libido must be a positive sign; her recovering brain can spare the energy to watch the way the muscles bunch under his scars. Lust and attractions divines their relationship for a long time and this feature certainly haven't lessened with developing intimacy. She can honestly say none of her previously lovers stirred her in the same way.

"I miss touching you. I miss you kissing me without thinking I am liable to break any second" the confession is barely a whisper.

David Budd is becoming the ultimate caretaker in their relationship. There are timetables of her medication and therapy requirements. He prepares all her meals, following the dietitians' instructions to the letter. The doctors are impressed with his knowledge and notebooks, but Julia wonders what they are becoming as a couple.

Despite having a full day ahead, David turns back and regards his partner seriously, crawling back to her side and cupping tear stained checks. The kiss he offers is long, slow and full of passion.

"Nothing would please me more than taking you in every room of this apartment and every surface in your office" he growls in her ear.

"But you have worked too hard to reinjure yourself because we found a creative use for the bannister. I'm not having that conversation, Dr Lee - the man is so proud of his reconstruction efforts" David jokes between kisses.

Julia laughs in spite of herself which is another thing her new lover can draw out of her.

"You don't see me any differently because you've literally measured my urine output?"

David is busily sucking on her collarbone but looks up to regard her seriously.

"My body barely holds together, and my skin looks like a roadmap through hell. Your scars only make you more beautiful to me, and I'm bloody proud of your kidney function, so no disparaging remarks please."

"Keep doing that for a while, Segment."

"With pleasure Ma'am."

 

  
**9\. Nightmares**

They both have nightmares now.

David is working diligently with a counsellor he likes and respects. He does the exercise without fell and is open with Julia about the process and how he is feeling. He and his former wife and going together to learn how to better co-parent and resolve their issues and tensions. Both their therapists advise against continuing their relationship when they are both so wounded, but compliance has its limits.

"No!"

Julia feels herself jerk awake from another nightmare where is being buried and burned alive at the same time and all she can hear is students screaming. The pressure on her chest feels like an anvil, and every breath is a struggle. The sheets are damp with her sweat, and the blankets are in a knotted mess.

"You're ok, Julia I'm here nobody can hurt you, love breathe for me."

David's crooning instructions from across the room never failed to soothe her. They have a routine for nights like these. Whoever is having the nightmare wakes up naturally, and the other person prepares a warm (non-alcoholic) drink, and they sit up and listen to the BBC together or talk about the day.

David is the type of man who changes the sheets without comment even when she repeats the same routine every night. He is the type of man who will work tirelessly to find foods to tempt her flagging appetite or hold her hair as when she can't hold anything down. Embarrassingly he eased her through a terrible time when her digestive tract utterly revolted against the number of analgesics in her system.

  
**10\. Love**

There are many ways to express love.

Neither David Budd or Julia Montague has an innate talent for human intimacy. There is a reason they chose such demanding careers and specialities. The words come quickly as the work together on recovery, but the everyday affections do not. They are both loners by disposition and training, trusting only themselves to cope no matter how bad. It isn't easy for one of the top-ranked Tories (semi-retirement notwithstanding) politicians to love a younger liberal former soldier from Glasgow with two kids and admiration of Corbyn.

It must be love if she is allowing a gangly rescue puppy chew on her grandmother's prize antiques and her custom shoes. Ella wants a pony of course, but her parents aren't ready for that level of commitment on a whim, even if Julia is willing to shoulder the burden of the upkeep.

"You are not buying my daughter's love with a thoroughbred " Vicky snaps one day.

There is a tension between Julia and Vicky as there is bound to be between a working-class woman with farming roots and a Tory elite who counts minor and major European royalty as friends. However, Vicky is a devoted mother and understands the value of family harmony. 'Daddy's new girlfriend' isn't going anywhere.

Hence the puppy she is babysitting before the big reveal on Christmas. It helps that she is home most days and can stretch to feeding another creature and throwing the occasional ball.

"We are going to have to talk about your taste in chew toys, young man."

   
***

 

The tabloids are predictably nightmarish and cliche when the story breaks.

Everyone is speculating on if and when Julia Montigouge will announce her bid, riding a wave of support and sympathy that got a revised RIPPA 18 Bill through.

A sex scandal is 'poor timing' as Julia says with more than a trace of humour.

Luckily in contrast to the last scandal, he was involved in, David isn't running around as a borderline fugitive. As an esteemed public figure, who escaped a deadly bombing, the former Home Secretary has many allies in her corner. All members of parliament are trying to rebuild and rebrand themselves in the wake of corruption and internal threats. The conservatives are working harder than most to erase the Penhaligon faction.

  
David is proud to say the only time he ever read the Dailymail or alike before was in the hospital waiting rooms either when the kids needed broken bones set or he was doing PT sessions. Vicki is of similar view (sick of the mags at the hospital so the house has film festivals and art books) As a general rule, he took no interest in the life and times of celebrities expect on an odd occasion when he protected one. Therefore it's surreal to see his face plastered across advanced copies of the leading papers and websites. There is some advanced warning thanks to the excellent PR team Julia spends a fortune retaining.

"8 and half years hardly makes me your toyboy" David grumbles indignantly.

"Let's not argue with the particular semantics, love" Julia asks quietly from his side.

The fiercely private woman is taking this invasion surprisingly well, listening to suggestions rather than barking out orders. David is still worried that she will push herself too hard and dodging cameras are the last thing she needs. His mind is swimming with possibilities.

"Are Ella and Charlie safe from the fallout?"

"As safe as we can make them. The schools they are at have iron-clad NDA policies and privacy zones. The security measures on your family still carry some weight with the hacking scandal it is unlike the Murdochs or Piers Morgans of the world will risk direct interference. We will be ready if they do" the tall man seems like he will relish the opportunity.

The team excuses themselves to answer calls and plot strategies before the majority of the British public wakes up.

"I'm sorry about this- it's not fair on you."

"Aye but its no fairer on you, love" David leans over and kisses her softly. "Besides I choose to be here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

References to choice and choosing each other becomes something of code between them, a shorthand for 'I love you' when over people are around. It can be lighthearted when they are playing team sports with the kids or serious when either of them has a bad nightmare.

 

  
***

Rodger Penhaligon picks a dreadful time for a confrontation.

The midrange that has been threatening all day hits with a vengeance and Julia is positive her troublesome hips spasms are about to flare up. She wants to curl up on the couch with David. Working part-time at her former law firm is satisfying but exhausting. Her supporters in parliament are desperate for her triumphant return, an end to the fairytale. She isn't going to consider such a move until she is at full strength and consulted with the important people in her life. Her stamina is returning, but the last thing she needs is her ex-husband bursting in waving papers around.

"Have you completely lost your mind, fawning all over the help in public as a teenager?

"Civil as ever I see Richard, worried about the numbers in Surrey North starting to look dubious are they?"

He looks like a man whose political future is in doubt. His involvement in the plot to assassinate her and shift the balance of power is impossible to prove but nor is it easy to disprove. Now that he no longer has the ear of the PM the discontent with his role as chief whip is getting loader. A contentious affair with the daughter of a colleague does not help the situation. There is more than a little Schadenfreude on his ex-wife's part after all their battles and his ridiculous display after her 'death'.

"The parliament and country are just recovering from the biggest scandal and terrorist attack in history, and you parade your married toyboy in public and fuck in alleyways?" his words are bordering on hysterical.

"Yes because of the recovery of Britain as whole hinges on who I invite into my bed and what I do in my free time. For the record, I was kissing my not married boyfriend outside a movie theatre not fornicating."

"Your reputation..."

"Is no longer the concern of Westminster or you in particular. This little display does you no good Richard, either as the chief whip or a jealous ex-husband."

"I'm not jealous..."

"I've known you for 25 years - you care because you are a hypocrite who wants me to pine for you.; so you can keep a strange version of the moral high ground. David is the opposite of you in every conceivable way, and that hurts" the insights strike close to home.

"You can say goodbye to any support for a future run at Number 10" the threat sounds hollow.

"Even if that was true - the simple truth is Richard I love him - its taken me nearly 45 years and a bomb threat to realising there are more important things in life than politics" Julia's tone is uncharacteristically gentle and tender. "If David wants to move to the Highlands and raise sheep - I'd look to start a Pro Bono clinic."

Richard gaps at her for a full minute.

"You are mad."

"No just in love."

Julia doesn't bother moving as he storms out, his plots and posturing no longer intimidate her, and she promised David she would be home for Spaghetti dinner and to walk the dog.


End file.
